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In the News...
The following is a condensed version of an article which appeared in the Nassau Chapter of the New York State Society of Clinical Social Workers spring 2008 issue of "Nassau Newsnotes." It was written by Barbara Murphy, LCSW, and a member of Girl Scouts of Nassau County's Critical Issues Committee.
Relational Aggression:
What You Need To Know
There was once a time when bullying among youth was considered a normal rite of passage. Today, we know that it is a serious problem, often with devastating consequences. Over the past decade, seventy one percent of school shooters were targets of bullying prior to the shooting. How extensive is bullying? What are the dynamics; and just what is relational aggression? Are there interventions schools and parents can implement to address the problem?
Relational aggression (RA) has reached alarming proportions. A recent survey (2006-2007) conducted by Child Abuse Prevention Services (CAPS) of middle school students on Long Island confirmed bullying is very much a part of the fabric of a students' everyday life. When we look at the escalation of physical violence, girls are catching up to boys. Fifty four percent of 6th graders and 74% of 7th graders reported bullying was a problem in their school. Dr. Dan Olweus, a Norwegian researcher and expert on bullying established the accepted criteria for bullying. He said that for behavior to be considered bullying it must be the intention of the aggressor(s) to harm someone, the aggression is repeated over time and there is an imbalance of power. The imbalance can be a real or perceived. It can be physical size, age, social status, economics or the even the number of kids involved in the incident. Dr. Olweus also notes, approximately 7-15% of students will consistently assume the role of either aggressor or target. The remaining 70-85% of students are bystanders, frequently moving between the roles of target, aggressor, or bystander, sometimes even, within a single school day. Aggressors can become targets; targets can become aggressors such as in the case of a school shooter. It is an ever escalating cycle of revenge. In relational aggression, it is the covert behaviors that damage the relationship itself. It destroys the target's feelings of social acceptance and belonging. The manipulative, calculated behaviors are used to hurt or control the target and prevent the target from establishing or maintaining meaningful relationships. Eye rolling, dirty looks, icy stares, shunning, name calling, malicious rumors and gossip can go unnoticed by adults, and lead to more serious forms of aggression such as cyberbullying, hazing, date rape, stealing, menacing and assault, even a school shooting.
DYNAMICS OF RELATIONAL AGGRESSION
Relational aggression is the lifeblood of a popularity clique, especially for girls. It is often used to reinforce one's social status, says Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes:
Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends and Other Realities of Adolescence. There is no such thing as an innocent bystander when social bullying occurs. There is an emotional impact on all parties involved with all three roles operating out of fear: The aggressor seeks to gain or maintain status, power and control. The target often feels terrorized, powerless, hopeless, socially isolated and depressed. Over time, targets, especially girls, may respond by resorting to risky sexual behavior, drug abuse, self mutilation, suicide or violence. The bystander, or "child in the middle," stays silent fearing retaliation by the aggressor for tattling.
Relational aggression is shrouded in an unwritten code of secrecy. Incidents are rarely reported by the students involved. Children believe adults will make the situation worse and the aggressor may target them next. Chronic targets may have low self esteem and self doubts causing them to believe that they deserve the abuse. Just like a bystander, they may be driven by the need to fit in, no matter what cost. Some kids, like many adults, actually believe that aggressive behavior is the norm, and that those with status and high rank have a right to exclude others. They don't have to follow the rules of conduct. Studies have shown teachers intervene only 4% of the time when relational aggression occurs. If an adult fails to intervene, it only perpetuates the aggression and empowers the bully. Moreover, a person's level of aggression has been found to be self reinforcing if interventions are not taken. Children as young as two years of age will use RA by excluding others and telling secrets. Unless addressed, it can progress through school years into adulthood and the workplace.
Aggression can be reactive or instrumental. In the reactive type, the aggressive child is reacting to experiences of being victimized. It causes a high level of emotional arousal with feelings of fear, anxiety and depression. These children exhibit deficits in their social information processing and cognitive biases. They view the world as a hostile place and hold a belief system that supports legitimacy of retaliation. Instrumental aggression is the premeditated use of force. It is goal oriented and used to obtain a reward or a particular outcome. It is often used by sociopathic personalities that do not experience anger, but show narcissistic traits. They tend to look down on others and think they are better than other people. Not only do they lack empathy, they have a sadistic side granting them enjoyment when they hurt other people or animals. They get a high from the power they feel while inflicting pain.
In 1999, Dr. Peter Langman, Director of Psychology of Kids Peace and the National Director for Kids
Overcoming Crisis, found two other basic typologies among rampage school shooters besides the
psychopathic, namely the psychotic and traumatized. Symptoms of psychotic shooters included paranoia, delusions and hallucinations. Traumatized youth who have engaged in shooting came from families that were affected by alcoholism, incarceration of parents, drug use and abuse. It was Dr. Langman's opinion that their backgrounds contributed to their depression, suicidal ideation, and rage. Recent research also links targets to parents, especially fathers, who are overly critical, domineering or antagonistic. Family environments which include domestic violence and inconsistent or severe punishment are other risk factors for the development of aggression, as well as genetics and cultural influences. Adult role models of aggression are frequently found in newspapers, magazines, music, sports events, movies, internet, and television programs which include cartoons. The media promotes a culture of sex and violence in its celebrity icons and images, and false standards of femininity and masculinity, which children feel pressured to achieve.
In her book, Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls, Dr. Mary Pipher describes how culture pressures can split an adolescent girl causing her to abandon her true self and take up false selves, especially at the onset of puberty, changing one’s self to please a clique or a boy.
Rosalind Wiseman describes how boys feel similar cultural and social pressures to fulfill traditional roles about masculinity. At times, it can be overwhelming, leading them to tease, bully or abuse others. It can also lead to substance abuse or engagement in lethal acts of aggression or violence. There is a high correlation between aggressive behavior in childhood and adolescence, and criminal behavior in adulthood. In addition to serious adjustment problems, social and emotional difficulties, anxiety and depression, relational aggression can contribute to poor academic achievement, truancy and absenteeism.
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